The next morning I had an appointment with the company who offered the job and I tried to catch the chance to earn some money. I arrived just in time, it was in a private house in Quezon City, far away from the centre Manila, but still in Metro Manila. I had to wait till the guy woke up, because he was working the whole night. We got a good connection, so we decided that I can start immediately. My only problem was, were to stay till I will find a new apartment. They offered me to the guest room for some days and that they wanted to help me to find anew place. In the afternoon I started to work, phone calls to find new business partner for a new business solution of a big company. Not easy, the numbers I got were the wrong target group and as well holiday time in Europe. My job was only to make appointments for the local sales representive , sound easy, but in the wrong target group difficult to find the corn in the sand. However I did my calls, I reached on the first day an appointment, and all was ok, so far. Only one thing. I was not happy in this place. All was closed, if I wanted to go out, I had to ask that someone can open the gate, I felt like in a prison. I was looking for a new apartment, but all expensive, or let say it like this, for the conditions what they offered, too expensive. I missed the province. I missed the nature and maybe I missed the company of Raquel. I thought, ok, this is only for some days and then is weekend and I can find an idea how to find the place were I could work and feel comfortable. This job I could do also from the beach somewhere. All I need is a stable internet connection. The weekend came nearer, I had to renew my visa on Friday anyway and it was decided that I pick up the rest of my things in Nueva Ecija and to come back to Manila on Monday to continue my job, first from there, till I find an apartment or place and then to work from home. I let all my things in this house in Quezon City, took only what I need for the weekend and early on Friday morning I was in my funny car through the morning traffic to the bureau of immigration to get my stamp in my passport. I forgot that I am not allowed to drive on Friday with my plate number. An idea of the government to reduce the traffic in the city, that every end number of the plate has one day off. My day is Friday in Metro Manila. How it is all my life. The police stopped me and I got a ticket, I thought that I have to pay direct to the police, I asked them how much is the fine, they told me something about 300 Peso (5 Euro) I gave them 500 Peso, they took it and I asked the rest back. Suddenly the 500 Peso were falling back in my car, then I realized that I can not pay direct, only one bank is allowed to collect the fine. I smiled and understood. I got from the police an allowance to drive to my destination and all was ok in the moment. I applied for my stamp and I only had to wait one hour to get my passport back and to travel at “home” to Nueva Ecija. On the way I stopped for a cup of coffee in this bar were I met Shane the first time, we tried to talk, but she was only looking at me like the eighth world wonder. It was too hot in this place, so I left after fifteen minutes and back on the road, still two hours to drive.
As I arrived at “home” I saw only happy people around, I felt so welcome back. Raquel was relaxed and happy, I felt “home”. The idea was only to pick up the rest of my things this weekend and on Monday early morning together with Raquel back to Manila. She wanted go back to her guardian, and I wanted to search a new apartment and beside to continue my work. Back in the line of normality, like end of holiday. On Saturday and Sunday I tried to get conform with the thought, the holidays are over. I felt more and more, this is not what I want. I am not here on the Philippines to life in a noisy city with smog, hectic, on a place were I did not want to be, with a job I did not want to do. That was not the idea to change the life. Of course also in the paradise you have to survive, but is it really necessary, to do thing what I don t want to do? Raquel and I we were talking long in this night and we felt both that’s maybe for a long time now the last evening, that the time to fight together for a better place was over and we have to go back with the feeling, we did not find this place.
Early Monday morning we packed the last things, still the destiny Manila in the head. Suddenly I said to her. “Listen, I don t want to go back to Manila. Let us find a beach and a place were we can find the happiness and were we can start both new.” I thought, if I start now with this job or later, if they agree in this company, I find first my place and I get the time to prepare all that I can work, then I do it now. If they do not agree with it, I do not care, but I found a better place were I want to be. Later the rest. Raquel said: ”Let’s go to visit my brother and his family in Alaminos, Pangasinan. There is beach near and they can maybe help us to find a house and in the first time we can stay there.” We did not choose the way to Manila. We took the turn to Pangasinan..
It was a funny trip like all, we did since we were around. Sometimes we missed the way, but we saw wonderful parts of the island. We were not in hurry, I called in Manila that I will not come today there, that I am on the way to find my new home, and that I will go in touch with them so soon I know when I can start really to work, and if they are still interest that I do the job, then we starting later. They were not amused about. Honest, I can understand. But, it was time to continue my way, why I am here.
We stopped on the first few on the ocean. I felt great, I felt free. I was not thinking about what will maybe happen tomorrow, or were I will wake up. That Raquel was with me gave me the sureness nothing can happen.
As we arrived on the place of her brother and his family I felt like in Nueva Ecija direct welcome in this simple place were he is living with his wife and his four kids. On one side, I was shocked how it is possible to life like this. Not really walls, the floor is the blank earth, the toilet is nature, and the place to sleep a building from bamboo. But I felt is this place such a harmony and love, like I felt in the hills some weeks before as we visited the grandparents with all of them. They prepared one of this small rooms for us, that we can stay, but I decided that I do not want to take the half of this small place and six people have to sleep in one small place in their home and they give me only, that I am a visitor, the half of this place. Anyway, it was early enough to look around and Raquels brother showed us some places he knows from his daily tricycle trip through the area. It started to rain, we followed his trike, not to know were we are, but in the trust, her brother has some ideas. We stopped on a house, and Raquel and her brother found out quickly the owner. I was waiting in the car. I knew it from Manila, never ask as a foreigner direct to rent a place. This will cost minimum the double of rent and deposit. As the place was checked and all conditions solved I went in and had a look. It was big, cheap but not fixed to go in soon, and I did not want to take the first offer. I tried to follow the trike, but we lost it somehow. It is not easy to follow with a car a local tricycle driver. I thought maybe better to drive alone around and to find first a small hotel, something to eat and maybe on the way we see a nice place.
I followed my nose and I thought, there were the car will stop, we stay. On the way to Hundred Islands, one of the nicest places, a piece of paradise, we stopped on a house with a sign “for rent”. We found an old woman, she shows us the house, simple quiet, but dark inside. Of course, the price was the sensation but I had the feeling also their, that is not my place were I wanted to stay. We decided to think about and to drive first to the ocean. It is only one long road, and then we found it, on the left side a sign, a nice house, and I thought, this would be nice, but by sure in this area, only one kilometer from the ocean. Must be expensive, but from were to know if you don t ask. Raquel called the number, asked direct the conditions and when we can have a look inside. The landlord was there five minutes later. As I came in there, I said: ”That’s it”. Half furnished, the important things were there, a place for the car, that it will not fill up always with water in every rain, the offered price was good and it was free to go in directly. Perfect.
Of course, as the landlord realized that we are really interested to rent it he tried to rise up the rent, but we knew the conditions from the contact call, so no way to change now the conditions. I said not direct yes, we left the house with the promise, we will call him. We drove to the small port were the boats are landing to bring the people to the islands, we found a small hotel were we could eat something and we were watching over the sea to the islands.
What a silent, what an air. We had our dinner, we were thinking about the possibilities we have and what to do. We called the landlord when we can go in there and he said, today if we like, he only had to clean and then we can come. Two hours later, we were in our new home.
The next morning after the first coffee in the new home, we started to conquer the city. It was a lot to organize. Especially I needed so soon as possible a good internet connection that I could start with the job so soon as possible. Not so easy, my experience with the company, I had in Manila before, were not so good and we tried to find a better solution. We drove around but it was not so easy. The cheaper solutions were not available in this area and the rest was too expensive. On one of our trips to Dagupan we bought a small TV so that we have some entertainment at home as well. At last, I decided to give the formal internet provider a second chance to make it better then before.
Two weeks later after long calls, pressure, discussions and fights with the customer service the connection was installed, I started the job. I got a second offer to cover two projects to fill out my time and to earn more money. All seemed to work fine. On the weekends, we made some trips to the beaches.
Warm water, sunshine it was like holidays. This became my idea to life here much more nearer, then to stay in a small apartment in Manila. The birthday of the Raquel’s niece, we celebrated also with the complete family on one of the nice beaches around. It was for me once more the feeling of home with kids around, food from at home, some drinks and sunshine. And, of course Karaoke. It is not possible here to go around. Everyone loves to sing, to laugh and enjoy a family day together on the beach. And for the niece the first time that her birthday got celebrated like this. As we came back from the beach, I got a love letter from her, in Tagalo. It was a happy day for all.
Our life was quiet. I did my jobs and Raquel was looking that the house is clean. We were living like an old couple. In the afternoon, we drove in the city for shopping on the local fresh market or in the supermarket. Raquel was cooking in the evening and I did my job. However, we were only friends. She had her room, I had mine.
The next Sunday trip was to Cape Bolinao, not far from Alaminos, because I thought there must be nice beaches too. It was like always, we took the road, without map, the destiny more or less in the head and then to see where we will ending up. And like always, I missed the important turn to the destination and we were ending up somewhere in the middle of nowhere. The fixed roads ending and my funny car starts to work on unsecured ways. To turn around is not my thing. Better to drive the hard way, also this way must have an end. It was a nice forest. The people they were living there were looking all surprised to see a foreigner in an old owner type Jeep far away from any tourist routes. But in the end we found there out and our beach for the day.
As it started to rain a little bit, we decide to drive back home. Suddenly I saw something on the side of the street. Too near on the street in the grass. I stopped the car, because I thought it is maybe a small cat or dog. Maybe one of the drivers here injured this small animal and I wanted to have a look. It was not a cat, it was not a dog, it was a baby goat. No mother goat around, no people around only the small baby goat, scrambling, alone on the road, every minute in the fear a car can kill it. As well, it starts to rain. I took this goat, gave it to Raquel and said: “Now, we haven a goat in the garden.” We packed her in a towel and tried to find the way back in the strong rain. The rain was so strong for a short time that we could not see the road. So, I stopped on the side and was thinking how we should call our baby. The first name in my head was “Suzie”. Why that? I still don t know why this name showed up in my head as I was looking the small goat. I called her “Suzie” with a smile in my face.
“Suzie” was the whole way quiet, sleeping in the arm of Raquel. She felt save, also Raquel was sleeping, and I was thinking how to grown up the goat. Space enough in the garden, but what needs a goat in this age. For standing in the garden and eating grass, she was too small. I stopped at the supermarket, bought baby milk and a baby bottle and beside for dinner in the evening also something. Then I showed “Suzie“her new home. She was happy running behind Raquel or me. I prepared the first bottle milk and it works directly.
The new week started normal. Only that “Suzie” was always around. A small, happy goat in the garden. Always hungry or wanted to play. If we were in the city to shopping, she was waiting on the gate until we came back, she got her baby milk, all Filipino friends were laughing about me and the goat, that I gave her baby milk in a bottle, but what should we do? She was hungry and no mother goat around. When the family from Raquel was here, the kids were playing with her and one day I decide to bring her to the place of the family, because there were some mother goats, and maybe one of them will take her as hers. I thought, maybe better. The kids will care about and she will have maybe a better place then alone in my garden. We visit her often, and still she was running behind me as I was there. I played with her in this evening like normal as we visited the place. In the next morning, the family found her dead with two other small goats in her place. Why this was happen? No one found an answer. I felt guilty, but all was in order and happy the evening before. No one expected it. I only thought, maybe I could give her a chance, because on this place were we found her, she would be dead long time.
In all this normal life, I started to miss something. It was this feeling to be in love on a wonderful place. I felt more and more not complete happy. Of course, I had all I need, the house in order, a good job, nice weather, beaches, funny time with the family and Raquel. But there was something more I needed. Someone, who touch my heart. Not only as friend, as partner, affair or adventure. I could not imagine to life like brother and sister with a friend, also I could not imagine how it will be if one day I meet someone and I wanted to life with this woman. What will happen with Raquel, if she don’t start to find her way slowly. To life with two women in one house, one as friend and housekeeper, the other as lover? I could not imagine that this will be end up in happiness. And all I did not want was new dramas around me. I started more and more to speak with Raquel about, especially as I met online a girl from Davao and we started to have very interesting chats. I felt she could have the chance to touch my feelings and I invited her to come to visit me if she like to meet me. It was a little bit “history repeating” as I told to Raquel, that maybe in the next time someone will come and maybe would stay for a longer time. Like with Marife in Paranaque some month before. But not all is the same, also not if maybe the start points are the same. In all things are small differences. All what I did not want was that conflicts exist or get build. Nothing was fixed, decided or a clear appointment was set up as I spoke with Raquel about. The reaction of her was like always, the eyes got sad, she stopped to smile and was only quiet the next days. Like this day in Manila as I decided that I have to go back and that I made the deal with the apartment in Cavite from Alma. But I wanted to move on, I don t wanted to gave Raquel the feeling she get replaced or kicked out of the house, but she had to know that this living situation can not be forever.
In the morning until I started always to work, Raquel was chatting with a friend in Norway, she called him "her" big love. I was chatting with Jean, and I thought all will be good and we both will find our happiness for the heart as well. But something in the feeling in the house changed since it was clear that sooner or later someone will come there. It was time to clear the situation, that we can find a way in our future, we both can life with. We decided to find a good place on the beach to talk about.
For me is friendship a very important relationship. I do for my friends all I can, but also friendship has a border and not the right to take all the space in the life. I am used from my real friends that everything can be discussed, need not to be always on the same level, but in the end individual decisions are accepted and respected. But we stay together as friends and there is never a complain, or pressure to be agree in decisions they made. My real friends were long discussing with me before I came here, if it is really good to give up all, to go on the other side of the world. But they accept all my life decisions and they still give me the feeling, like I did for them. If something goes wrong in their or in my life, we stay together. Real friendship means not to be always together on one place. And friendship is not allowed to take freedom.
Life changed every day. Situations are changing every day. That’s why I am living. To handle situations, to find the way in my life. Sometimes I know after I did a step, if it was good or not, but I did it. I never compare situation from the past with new situations. Raquel showed me a wonderful place, were I found my way back. She introduced me in her wonderful family, which shows me that it is possible to life a hard live, but still happy and in deep love. I met wonderful people without expectations. I was on the way back to my goal. I tried to help her on her way too, I did not reach it. I thought we were real friends, I still feel like this. Raquel runs away…….
Will be continued soon... cause the life never stop>>>>>>
matthias
Always somewhere
The next morning I had an appointment with the company who offered the job and I tried to catch the chance to earn some money. I arrived just in time, it was in a private house in Quezon City, far away from the centre Manila, but still in Metro Manila. I had to wait till the guy woke up, because he was working the whole night. We got a good connection, so we decided that I can start immediately. My only problem was, were to stay till I will find a new apartment. They offered me to the guest room for some days and that they wanted to help me to find anew place. In the afternoon I started to work, phone calls to find new business partner for a new business solution of a big company. Not easy, the numbers I got were the wrong target group and as well holiday time in Europe. My job was only to make appointments for the local sales representive , sound easy, but in the wrong target group difficult to find the corn in the sand. However I did my calls, I reached on the first day an appointment, and all was ok, so far. Only one thing. I was not happy in this place. All was closed, if I wanted to go out, I had to ask that someone can open the gate, I felt like in a prison. I was looking for a new apartment, but all expensive, or let say it like this, for the conditions what they offered, too expensive. I missed the province. I missed the nature and maybe I missed the company of Raquel. I thought, ok, this is only for some days and then is weekend and I can find an idea how to find the place were I could work and feel comfortable. This job I could do also from the beach somewhere. All I need is a stable internet connection. The weekend came nearer, I had to renew my visa on Friday anyway and it was decided that I pick up the rest of my things in Nueva Ecija and to come back to Manila on Monday to continue my job, first from there, till I find an apartment or place and then to work from home. I let all my things in this house in Quezon City, took only what I need for the weekend and early on Friday morning I was in my funny car through the morning traffic to the bureau of immigration to get my stamp in my passport. I forgot that I am not allowed to drive on Friday with my plate number. An idea of the government to reduce the traffic in the city, that every end number of the plate has one day off. My day is Friday in Metro Manila. How it is all my life. The police stopped me and I got a ticket, I thought that I have to pay direct to the police, I asked them how much is the fine, they told me something about 300 Peso (5 Euro) I gave them 500 Peso, they took it and I asked the rest back. Suddenly the 500 Peso were falling back in my car, then I realized that I can not pay direct, only one bank is allowed to collect the fine. I smiled and understood. I got from the police an allowance to drive to my destination and all was ok in the moment. I applied for my stamp and I only had to wait one hour to get my passport back and to travel at “home” to Nueva Ecija. On the way I stopped for a cup of coffee in this bar were I met Shane the first time, we tried to talk, but she was only looking at me like the eighth world wonder. It was too hot in this place, so I left after fifteen minutes and back on the road, still two hours to drive.
As I arrived at “home” I saw only happy people around, I felt so welcome back. Raquel was relaxed and happy, I felt “home”. The idea was only to pick up the rest of my things this weekend and on Monday early morning together with Raquel back to Manila. She wanted go back to her guardian, and I wanted to search a new apartment and beside to continue my work. Back in the line of normality, like end of holiday. On Saturday and Sunday I tried to get conform with the thought, the holidays are over. I felt more and more, this is not what I want. I am not here on the Philippines to life in a noisy city with smog, hectic, on a place were I did not want to be, with a job I did not want to do. That was not the idea to change the life. Of course also in the paradise you have to survive, but is it really necessary, to do thing what I don t want to do? Raquel and I we were talking long in this night and we felt both that’s maybe for a long time now the last evening, that the time to fight together for a better place was over and we have to go back with the feeling, we did not find this place.
Early Monday morning we packed the last things, still the destiny Manila in the head. Suddenly I said to her. “Listen, I don t want to go back to Manila. Let us find a beach and a place were we can find the happiness and were we can start both new.” I thought, if I start now with this job or later, if they agree in this company, I find first my place and I get the time to prepare all that I can work, then I do it now. If they do not agree with it, I do not care, but I found a better place were I want to be. Later the rest. Raquel said: ”Let’s go to visit my brother and his family in Alaminos, Pangasinan. There is beach near and they can maybe help us to find a house and in the first time we can stay there.” We did not choose the way to Manila. We took the turn to Pangasinan..
It was a funny trip like all, we did since we were around. Sometimes we missed the way, but we saw wonderful parts of the island. We were not in hurry, I called in Manila that I will not come today there, that I am on the way to find my new home, and that I will go in touch with them so soon I know when I can start really to work, and if they are still interest that I do the job, then we starting later. They were not amused about. Honest, I can understand. But, it was time to continue my way, why I am here.
We stopped on the first few on the ocean. I felt great, I felt free. I was not thinking about what will maybe happen tomorrow, or were I will wake up. That Raquel was with me gave me the sureness nothing can happen.
As we arrived on the place of her brother and his family I felt like in Nueva Ecija direct welcome in this simple place were he is living with his wife and his four kids. On one side, I was shocked how it is possible to life like this. Not really walls, the floor is the blank earth, the toilet is nature, and the place to sleep a building from bamboo. But I felt is this place such a harmony and love, like I felt in the hills some weeks before as we visited the grandparents with all of them. They prepared one of this small rooms for us, that we can stay, but I decided that I do not want to take the half of this small place and six people have to sleep in one small place in their home and they give me only, that I am a visitor, the half of this place. Anyway, it was early enough to look around and Raquels brother showed us some places he knows from his daily tricycle trip through the area. It started to rain, we followed his trike, not to know were we are, but in the trust, her brother has some ideas. We stopped on a house, and Raquel and her brother found out quickly the owner. I was waiting in the car. I knew it from Manila, never ask as a foreigner direct to rent a place. This will cost minimum the double of rent and deposit. As the place was checked and all conditions solved I went in and had a look. It was big, cheap but not fixed to go in soon, and I did not want to take the first offer. I tried to follow the trike, but we lost it somehow. It is not easy to follow with a car a local tricycle driver. I thought maybe better to drive alone around and to find first a small hotel, something to eat and maybe on the way we see a nice place.
I followed my nose and I thought, there were the car will stop, we stay. On the way to Hundred Islands, one of the nicest places, a piece of paradise, we stopped on a house with a sign “for rent”. We found an old woman, she shows us the house, simple quiet, but dark inside. Of course, the price was the sensation but I had the feeling also their, that is not my place were I wanted to stay. We decided to think about and to drive first to the ocean. It is only one long road, and then we found it, on the left side a sign, a nice house, and I thought, this would be nice, but by sure in this area, only one kilometer from the ocean. Must be expensive, but from were to know if you don t ask. Raquel called the number, asked direct the conditions and when we can have a look inside. The landlord was there five minutes later. As I came in there, I said: ”That’s it”. Half furnished, the important things were there, a place for the car, that it will not fill up always with water in every rain, the offered price was good and it was free to go in directly. Perfect.
Of course, as the landlord realized that we are really interested to rent it he tried to rise up the rent, but we knew the conditions from the contact call, so no way to change now the conditions. I said not direct yes, we left the house with the promise, we will call him. We drove to the small port were the boats are landing to bring the people to the islands, we found a small hotel were we could eat something and we were watching over the sea to the islands.
What a silent, what an air. We had our dinner, we were thinking about the possibilities we have and what to do. We called the landlord when we can go in there and he said, today if we like, he only had to clean and then we can come. Two hours later, we were in our new home.
The next morning after the first coffee in the new home, we started to conquer the city. It was a lot to organize. Especially I needed so soon as possible a good internet connection that I could start with the job so soon as possible. Not so easy, my experience with the company, I had in Manila before, were not so good and we tried to find a better solution. We drove around but it was not so easy. The cheaper solutions were not available in this area and the rest was too expensive. On one of our trips to Dagupan we bought a small TV so that we have some entertainment at home as well. At last, I decided to give the formal internet provider a second chance to make it better then before.
Two weeks later after long calls, pressure, discussions and fights with the customer service the connection was installed, I started the job. I got a second offer to cover two projects to fill out my time and to earn more money. All seemed to work fine. On the weekends, we made some trips to the beaches.
Warm water, sunshine it was like holidays. This became my idea to life here much more nearer, then to stay in a small apartment in Manila. The birthday of the Raquel’s niece, we celebrated also with the complete family on one of the nice beaches around. It was for me once more the feeling of home with kids around, food from at home, some drinks and sunshine. And, of course Karaoke. It is not possible here to go around. Everyone loves to sing, to laugh and enjoy a family day together on the beach. And for the niece the first time that her birthday got celebrated like this. As we came back from the beach, I got a love letter from her, in Tagalo. It was a happy day for all.
Our life was quiet. I did my jobs and Raquel was looking that the house is clean. We were living like an old couple. In the afternoon, we drove in the city for shopping on the local fresh market or in the supermarket. Raquel was cooking in the evening and I did my job. However, we were only friends. She had her room, I had mine.
The next Sunday trip was to Cape Bolinao, not far from Alaminos, because I thought there must be nice beaches too. It was like always, we took the road, without map, the destiny more or less in the head and then to see where we will ending up. And like always, I missed the important turn to the destination and we were ending up somewhere in the middle of nowhere. The fixed roads ending and my funny car starts to work on unsecured ways. To turn around is not my thing. Better to drive the hard way, also this way must have an end. It was a nice forest. The people they were living there were looking all surprised to see a foreigner in an old owner type Jeep far away from any tourist routes. But in the end we found there out and our beach for the day.
As it started to rain a little bit, we decide to drive back home. Suddenly I saw something on the side of the street. Too near on the street in the grass. I stopped the car, because I thought it is maybe a small cat or dog. Maybe one of the drivers here injured this small animal and I wanted to have a look. It was not a cat, it was not a dog, it was a baby goat. No mother goat around, no people around only the small baby goat, scrambling, alone on the road, every minute in the fear a car can kill it. As well, it starts to rain. I took this goat, gave it to Raquel and said: “Now, we haven a goat in the garden.” We packed her in a towel and tried to find the way back in the strong rain. The rain was so strong for a short time that we could not see the road. So, I stopped on the side and was thinking how we should call our baby. The first name in my head was “Suzie”. Why that? I still don t know why this name showed up in my head as I was looking the small goat. I called her “Suzie” with a smile in my face.
“Suzie” was the whole way quiet, sleeping in the arm of Raquel. She felt save, also Raquel was sleeping, and I was thinking how to grown up the goat. Space enough in the garden, but what needs a goat in this age. For standing in the garden and eating grass, she was too small. I stopped at the supermarket, bought baby milk and a baby bottle and beside for dinner in the evening also something. Then I showed “Suzie“her new home. She was happy running behind Raquel or me. I prepared the first bottle milk and it works directly.
The new week started normal. Only that “Suzie” was always around. A small, happy goat in the garden. Always hungry or wanted to play. If we were in the city to shopping, she was waiting on the gate until we came back, she got her baby milk, all Filipino friends were laughing about me and the goat, that I gave her baby milk in a bottle, but what should we do? She was hungry and no mother goat around. When the family from Raquel was here, the kids were playing with her and one day I decide to bring her to the place of the family, because there were some mother goats, and maybe one of them will take her as hers. I thought, maybe better. The kids will care about and she will have maybe a better place then alone in my garden. We visit her often, and still she was running behind me as I was there. I played with her in this evening like normal as we visited the place. In the next morning, the family found her dead with two other small goats in her place. Why this was happen? No one found an answer. I felt guilty, but all was in order and happy the evening before. No one expected it. I only thought, maybe I could give her a chance, because on this place were we found her, she would be dead long time.
In all this normal life, I started to miss something. It was this feeling to be in love on a wonderful place. I felt more and more not complete happy. Of course, I had all I need, the house in order, a good job, nice weather, beaches, funny time with the family and Raquel. But there was something more I needed. Someone, who touch my heart. Not only as friend, as partner, affair or adventure. I could not imagine to life like brother and sister with a friend, also I could not imagine how it will be if one day I meet someone and I wanted to life with this woman. What will happen with Raquel, if she don’t start to find her way slowly. To life with two women in one house, one as friend and housekeeper, the other as lover? I could not imagine that this will be end up in happiness. And all I did not want was new dramas around me. I started more and more to speak with Raquel about, especially as I met online a girl from Davao and we started to have very interesting chats. I felt she could have the chance to touch my feelings and I invited her to come to visit me if she like to meet me. It was a little bit “history repeating” as I told to Raquel, that maybe in the next time someone will come and maybe would stay for a longer time. Like with Marife in Paranaque some month before. But not all is the same, also not if maybe the start points are the same. In all things are small differences. All what I did not want was that conflicts exist or get build. Nothing was fixed, decided or a clear appointment was set up as I spoke with Raquel about. The reaction of her was like always, the eyes got sad, she stopped to smile and was only quiet the next days. Like this day in Manila as I decided that I have to go back and that I made the deal with the apartment in Cavite from Alma. But I wanted to move on, I don t wanted to gave Raquel the feeling she get replaced or kicked out of the house, but she had to know that this living situation can not be forever.
In the morning until I started always to work, Raquel was chatting with a friend in Norway, she called him "her" big love. I was chatting with Jean, and I thought all will be good and we both will find our happiness for the heart as well. But something in the feeling in the house changed since it was clear that sooner or later someone will come there. It was time to clear the situation, that we can find a way in our future, we both can life with. We decided to find a good place on the beach to talk about.
For me is friendship a very important relationship. I do for my friends all I can, but also friendship has a border and not the right to take all the space in the life. I am used from my real friends that everything can be discussed, need not to be always on the same level, but in the end individual decisions are accepted and respected. But we stay together as friends and there is never a complain, or pressure to be agree in decisions they made. My real friends were long discussing with me before I came here, if it is really good to give up all, to go on the other side of the world. But they accept all my life decisions and they still give me the feeling, like I did for them. If something goes wrong in their or in my life, we stay together. Real friendship means not to be always together on one place. And friendship is not allowed to take freedom.
Life changed every day. Situations are changing every day. That’s why I am living. To handle situations, to find the way in my life. Sometimes I know after I did a step, if it was good or not, but I did it. I never compare situation from the past with new situations. Raquel showed me a wonderful place, were I found my way back. She introduced me in her wonderful family, which shows me that it is possible to life a hard live, but still happy and in deep love. I met wonderful people without expectations. I was on the way back to my goal. I tried to help her on her way too, I did not reach it. I thought we were real friends, I still feel like this. Raquel runs away…….
Will be continued soon... cause the life never stop>>>>>>